Realistic Expectations
However skilled one is, there’ll be moments when an otherwise well-behaved critter will frustrate you to no end. This is normal. What’s not normal is when one mismanages these behaviours without considering the consequences of their actions.
All animals, just like people, have individual personalities and react differently to unique situations, especially in high-pressure settings such as vets, shows, events, and clinics.
I recommend that we, as responsible caregivers, remember that we are the ones who domesticated animals, and they deserve more understanding when they act in their natural ways..
To expect an animal to react to stimuli as we believe they should is unfair because we can’t possibly control every variable in every situation. Animals are highly instinctive, and just because we have taken the animal out of nature doesn’t mean that nature has been removed from the animal.
I have seen animals behave perfectly one moment and then act like the sky was falling the next, all because a sheet on the clothesline fluttered in the wind.
Sure, it’s just a sheet, but, to your critter, that sheet may be the tipping point of an already stressed state. For both humans and animals, much of what we fear is harmless. It’s the meaning and emotion we associate with the event, through our past experiences, that creates the problem.
Like humans, critters associate people, places, and things with pain and pleasure; therefore, stimuli such as a sheet, lead, or halter can cause memories to resurface which induces a chemical response in their brain that can alter their behaviour.
Balance the Past with the Present
Even though science has proven that animals are affected by past experiences, we should not use this to justify the present and future behaviour.
We can have empathy, and ensure his welfare needs are met and he feels safe, but to blame his past for present and future behaviours will cloud your judgment, causing you to miss what is truly happening.
Yes, it’s crucial that we take an animal’s history to heart and understand that, due to said history, they may react unexpectedly and be more sensitive.
However, we should not use this as an excuse to give up on our critter because we have determined it’s just the way it is because of his past.
A Different Perspective
I once had a client who suffered from low self-esteem because he didn’t believe he was intelligent enough to open his own business. It turns out that, since he did poorly in school because his dyslexia caused him to reverse letters and numbers, he was deemed as learning disabled, and often overcorrected and discouraged by teachers and family to reach beyond what they considered acceptable for him.
To counter the damage that was done, I compiled several stories of entrepreneurs, actors, scientists, and high-profile professionals who also had dyslexia and did not let it stop them.
If my client continued to allow himself to accept the beliefs of others, he would not be as successful as he is today. The same is true while working with animals. Should you decide your critter’s past puts limits on their ability to learn or behave, you are labelling, and whatever bond is left will break very quickly.
Keeping a Critter-Focused Mindset
Behaviour and welfare experts can now agree that animals’ long-term well-being is dependent on how they are treated, and it’s our responsibility as caregivers to educate ourselves, not only for their protection but to arm ourselves against misinformation.
One of the reasons I’ve decided to teach online is to fight back against misinformation. Anyone can call themselves an expert online and mislead people who just want what’s best for their critter.
Whether it’s the newest miracle cure, the latest revamp of a healing modality, or the strange, cult-like followings so-called, “animal communicators,” seem to have, it’s our responsibility to understand how our decisions, behaviours, lifestyles, and moods affect our animals.
With that said, even people who absolutely adore their critters and would lay down their lives to protect them may become seekers of the next cure or training fad to fix their animals. They often go from one program, service, or trainer to the next until they find someone who agrees with their own interpretation of events.
Unrealistic Expectations Clouds Judgement
I had a client whose equine was acting up at shows. I asked her to explain the issue and she said, “It took weeks to get him ready and when we got in the ring, he was crazy, acting out.” She paused and looked over at him. “He embarrassed me. I have no idea what else to do.”
I bit my tongue and looked at the beautiful bay in the paddock. “Easy fix,” I said, and my client lit up and grabbed the halter as if we were going to deal with the horse. “No, we won’t be needing that. In fact, we won’t be working with him at all. A horse mirrors their caregiver’s behaviour, so let’s start with your expectations first.”
I spent a few hours explaining that it was her expectations of how her horse should behave that started the issue. I am a true believer that you become what you think about, and she was so focused on her image and doing everything right that she left no room for her horse to just be a horse.
Start From Where You Are
I truly believe there’s no critter who wants to be bad or mean. I believe they have been conditioned, either before they were born or after, to emotionally and physically defend themselves until they are shown another way.
Just like there are milestones to measure a child’s development, we as caregivers and trainers often judge our critters based on similar measurements, some of which are archaic and have not been amended to suit new research on animal behaviour.
Too many trainers and caregivers will judge and modify behaviour based on previous experiences with other animals. Unfortunately, this creates a bias that clouds our objectivity, and it becomes nearly impossible for our critters to live up to our expectations.
Many Ways to Get to the Same Destination
Most of my members, readers, and clients know by now that I am the daughter of Jim Durling, a renowned horseman, coach, and trainer. People idolized my father and his work and, to be honest when I decided to move on from the self-help and social service industries to coach caregivers in human-animal interaction, I was concerned I couldn’t live up to the expectations of those who feel I should be like my father. For the longest time, every word I wrote or spoke was carefully chosen, to the point that perfectionism was stopping me from sharing my work.
Though there are similarities between my father’s methods and my own, we are unique in our approaches. Though my father wished he had more time to work with people one-on-one, long before they decided to get on a horse, his focus was on coaching riders.
His mission was to develop the skills of a rider so they had a partnership with their horse and, in doing so, established a stronger bond and promoted the well-being of horses.
My approach, however, is to coach people to bond with their equines by modifying their own behaviour because I believe horsemanship starts long before a horse is under saddle.
As you can see, our mission is very much the same, even though our approaches are different, and that is what I want you to remember while working with your critter.
What worked with one animal may not work with another, and even what worked with your critter one day may not work the next.
Let Your Critter Guide You
Each training session, show, clinic, or quality time spent with your critter should be about the present, and not about yesterday or what might happen in a week’s time.
Caregivers who develop the strongest bonds with their critters let go of egocentric expectations and remember to allow their animals to act naturally while integrating handling and quiet time.
For instance, it’s absolutely foolish to have a cat and not expect them to climb, because that is what cats do. They need to do it for their mental health, and scolding them and squirting them with water is going to cause anxiety and fear which will manifest into behavioural issues and disease.
To have a dog and not expect him to bark when he sees someone at the door or in the driveway is asking for problems. Excessive barking is often unnecessary, but that only occurs when a caregiver doesn’t redirect their dog’s attention and offer reassurance.
Instead, many caregivers will scold their dog for barking when someone comes to the door, perhaps yanking on his collar, zapping him with a shock, or even flicking him on the nose.
In doing so, not only is their dog on alert because someone is at the door, but they now associate your annoyance with that person (and not with them), and they also associate the pain of being zapped, yanked, or pinged on the nose with the door.
Whose Fault Is It Really?
I have seen people get so frustrated while loading their horse that they started cursing and yanking their mare around. My father had enough and took the lead, pivoted the mare, and loaded her without trouble. Within five minutes, my father had her trust, because he did not force her onto the trailer, but instead waited for her permission.
Unfortunately, caregivers, whether they have dogs, horses, cats, or other critters, believe training means an animal does what you want on demand. In my opinion, this is egocentric and dangerous.
My father was a remarkable trainer and coach, but he knew that his job was to listen to the horses, and not force them to perform, and that’s why he had the respect of both clients and horses alike.
The key to training or building a bond with your critter is to approach each session as a unique opportunity to bond and build on a foundation of incremental successes.
Have a vision of what you want to achieve, but don’t enforce your expectations and overcorrect or wrongfully modify behaviour that’s considered your critter’s way of coping and communicating.
Disrespecting this would be like telling a family member they have no right to express themselves and, unfortunately, too many trainers and caregivers do exactly that to their critters.
Summary
It is said that we should treat others as we expect to be treated, and I believe this is sage advice for how we should approach our relationships with our critters.
Pause and ask whether you approach each situation with your needs or your critter’s needs in mind. You may be surprised how this two-second self-assessment will improve your training and relationship.